I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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