oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
