my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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