If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I look better un-naked...
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
