he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
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