we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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