Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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