You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
