i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
