So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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