Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
