8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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