just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Boobs are out for the taking
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
