There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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