some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I deserve this hangover.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
