hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
