so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
