I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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