just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
