Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
