god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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