every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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