Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
