i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
