Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
