yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
