Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
