She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Randomize
