Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Randomize
