Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
