Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
