I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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