If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
