im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
