Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Randomize
