when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
