I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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