i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
