just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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