Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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