can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I bet he comes in French.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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