I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
