you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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