wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
