It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Hippo gnu deer
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
