The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
