there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
