chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
