there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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