even my farts smell like vagina
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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