just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
