thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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