I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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